We’ve all experienced pain. Pain in losing a loved one. The pain of failed relationships. Physical pain. The pain of being mistreated. Pain from life’s most common struggles.
Whether you were bullied in school or someone close to you passed away, you’ve probably struggled with letting go of painful experiences.
You’re not alone. Each and every one of us has struggled to let go and move on, and more often than not, people stay stuck in a pain-filled mindset that holds on tight to the past.
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The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.
Steve Maraboli |
When we replay painful experiences in our minds we’re refusing to let them go, to forgive ourselves, to forgive the situation and move forward.
You may be asking yourself “Why do I have to forgive myself when someone else hurt me?” Because we blame ourselves when we “allow” ourselves to be hurt. Think about where you place your blame. You’ve been blaming yourself for something you had no control over. It’s time to forgive yourself.
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If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.
C. JoyBell C. |
Hate is a deadly emotion. It eats away at the soul. It controls the mind.
You cannot hate and forgive at the same time. To let go of a painful situation you must let go of hate.
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If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.
Shannon L. Alder |
And a third time, and fourth and fifth…
Each and every time you let your mind relive that pain you’re letting whoever hurt you to do it again and again. This is where hate festers. The more your mind relives a painful experience, the more it harbors hate.
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Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.
Steve Maraboli |
Instead of focusing on hate, you have the power to leave pain in the past. Though you’ll never fully forget your past, the past is a place for you to put things that don’t serve a purpose today.
Imagine your past like a box stored in the attic. Instead of scattering your past throughout your house, pack it neatly in a box and store it out of sight.
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Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.
Deborah Reber |
Whether you’re struggling to let go of the loss of a loved one or a toxic relationship, letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care.
People who lose loved ones struggle with knowing how to let go of the pain because they think that if the pain is gone, so is their memory of the person.
This couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, pain keeps you from appreciating those fond memories. It keeps your mind clouded with guilt, resentment and hurt.
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Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.
Steve Maraboli |
There is a process to this whole letting go thing. It doesn’t happen overnight. You first have to experience the steps of grief.
But for many people the grieving process was years ago, yet they’ve replayed it over and over for fear of letting go.
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You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles.
C. JoyBell C. |
It’s the weight of painful experiences that eventually wears us down. Some people get so worn down that they don’t feel like they can continue on while others get to a point where they don’t want to carry on the way they have been and they prepare to let go once and for all.
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Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.
Ann Landers |
Just like we believe that holding onto pain helps us control the past, we also struggle with the belief that holding on makes us strong. Imagine a body-builder who lifts weights every day knowing that he’ll grow stronger. Painful experiences relived over and over in our minds don’t have the same outcome. We don’t become stronger through this repetition. We become weaker.
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Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.
Steve Maraboli |
The cravings people have to control their pasts are overwhelming. But, when these cravings are met by positives like love, connection and healing we’re able to accept that the past can’t be changed and we can let go of that control.
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Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.
Nicole Sobon |
Starting over -giving yourself a fresh start- is one way to let go of the past. Seeing your future in a new light can change your outlook on life. Starting over is easier said than done. Whether that means moving to a new town or ending a relationship to make room for a new one, the act of letting go isn’t the easiest.
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The truth was, he now belonged only to my past, and it was time I begin to accept it, as much as it hurt to do so.
Tammara Webber |
Where does your pain belong? We should never ignore pain because it tells us what really matters to us. It tells us where we need to strengthen ourselves. Your pain belongs somewhere, but it isn’t the present or your future. It belongs to your past.
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If letting go, if letting people and things work themselves out in the way that they needed to without your help was the most important thing, then it was also the hardest.
Deb Caletti, |
Letting go is one of the hardest things we can do. First and foremost it takes the desire to let go. If you aren’t ready to let go or aren’t willing to let go, you’re not at the place you should be to take the steps towards letting go.
You have to be ready and willing.
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Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions.
Gerald G. Jampolsky, Love Is Letting Go of Fear |
Forgiveness is such a powerful tool to emotional recovery that it has been studied in depth.
The ability to forgive (to genuinely forgive) is directly connected to your health. Those who are able to forgive live longer, have better health and experience a greater sense of peace.
Forgiving those who have been a part of your painful experiences is the biggest step in letting go.
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You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.
Steve Maraboli, |
The false believe that we’re in control of our past by holding onto negative experiences is one that has been a struggle for each of us at one time or another. We sometimes think that if we continue to play the scenes over and over again in our heads that we’ll have more control of their impact on us. There is no truth to this.
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The most difficult aspect of moving on is accepting that the other person already did.
Faraaz Kazi |
This can be hard to hear. The reality is that the pain and anger you harbor isn’t being harbored by the other person. They’ve likely moved on while you’ve struggled.
Kazi’s quote reminds us that suffering is one-sided.
When you choose not to move on you are alone in your anger, pain and resentment. You are doing damage to yourself- at your own hands.
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Know that everything is in perfect order whether you understand it or not.
Valery Satterwhite |
Even the pain you experience can serve a powerful purpose.
You may want to disagree with the circumstances you’ve been faced with, but they came your way for a reason. You now have the ability to turn them into something profound.
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The lesson will always repeat itself, unless you see yourself as the problem–not others.
Shannon L. Alder |
Have you ever thought to yourself “Why does this keep happening to me?”
There is a lesson life is trying to teach you and you aren’t listening! And this lesson will keep repeating itself until you wake up to it and see it for what it is.
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The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.
Steve Maraboli |
There is so much that life wants to offer you, but it can’t be yours until you let go of the past. There is light at the end of the tunnel, but you can’t reach it until you move past your pain.
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Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger.
Sara Evans |
Strength comes from experiencing weakness, recognizing it, learning from it and growing.
When life feels like it’s too much for you to handle, know that it’s making you stronger.
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The day I understood everything, was the day I stopped trying to figure everything out. The day I knew peace was the day I let everything go.
C. JoyBell C. |
Find peace in letting go.
Move on by forgiving.
It’s time to focus on your beautiful future.
so uplifting