5 Reasons to Say “No”

During my “year off” -which I’ve raved about many times- I learned the importance of a key word- no.

Last year I blogged about how hard that word is to use, especially as a wife and mother who wants to be there when her family needs her.

The struggle a lot of us face is deciding on what calls for a “no” and what we should allow ourselves to say “yes” to. And that’s right where many people stay stuck… never really knowing when they should say “no”.

If you’re anything like me, you find yourself saying “yes” all day every day, so invoking your right to say “no” is a little scary. You think “How will people react?”, “Will they still love me?”, “Will I feel bad?”

Here are five good reasons to say “no”.

When you’ve already made a promise to yourself.

It’s easy to forget that we matter too. Our promises to ourselves matter, even when we have people pulling us in all different directions. When we don’t value our promises to ourselves we will eventually resent promises we make to others.

When saying yes benefits everyone, but you.

In Thou Shalt Prosper author Rabbi Daniel Lapin talks about the importance of relationships and the common misconception that giving to people shouldn’t benefit us in return. Lapin explains that it is important that both parties benefit from what one does for the other. When you give of yourself with no return you’ll never reap the full benefits of the act of giving.

When building boundaries.

No is the single most important word when it comes to building boundaries. Boundaries are poorly built between people when the word “no” isn’t used. For example, imagine raising a toddler and never telling them “no”. Of course, it’s not about saying a firm “No.” every time they act out or do something that is dangerous. There is an art to saying no without actually using the word. Like saying “Don’t touch the hot stove or you will hurt yourself.”

All relationships benefit from the word “no”. Not just the relationships between you and your kids. When you’re building boundaries with someone, learning how to set your limits will transform the relationship for the better.

When someone is asking things of you that you don’t want to give.

We’ve all given things we don’t want to give… Time, energy, happiness, trust, etc. What some people sadly don’t learn as they’re growing up is that you don’t have to give things that you don’t want to. It’s as simple as that. We believe that giving is caring and that if we hold onto anything for ourselves we are being selfish, but your time is your own and so is your energy and happiness.

Because you have no good reason to say yes.

It’s as simple as that, but more simply said than done. The habit of saying “yes” is as hard to break as any other. Some people are so used to saying “yes” to anything and everything that the word slips out of their mouth before they give themselves time to processes what’s being asked of them.

There are many good reasons to say “yes” to people on a daily basis, but there are just as many good reasons to say “no”.

Guard your time, energy, happiness, trust, and so on, with the word “no” and your life will begin to feel brighter, freer and lighter.