My Year Off

How the resolution came about, I’m not exactly sure.

Last year when my third and final child walked across the stage at her high school graduation I excitedly thought to myself “I did it!” followed by “I deserve a nap.”

A few months later -when the nap didn’t quite refresh me after 26 years of motherhood- I started declaring 2014 as my “year off”.

Where did I get the idea for a year off? Who knows?

I made the declaration to myself first, just to see how I liked the sound of it. “This is my year off.” was weird to say.

Honestly, who takes a year off anyway? Wives certainly can’t. Mothers definitely shouldn’t. Homemakers wouldn’t dare. Business women couldn’t possibly. What an absurd idea, right?

Yet, onward I marched.

I learned very quickly that there was one word I couldn’t do without. I know the word well, but using it without experiencing an instant onset of guilt was going to be a challenge. That word, of course, was “no”. I’ve used it to keep my kids from running into the street, my husband from making embarrassing fashion statements and the dog from biting the neighbor, but using it for my own benefit was a foreign idea.

Que the guilt.

The first time I said “no” my youngest daughter’s jaw nearly hit the ground. Of course it was a loving “No, I’m sorry I can’t do that today.” but shocking none-the-less.

I didn’t feel like myself. It was almost like someone was speaking on my behalf.

I had to learn to let go of the fear that I would be perceived as rude or that my family would feel unloved if I didn’t do something for them. Taking the year off was meant to give me permission to do things for myself so the guilt would have to go.

Once I got my mantra down and set my guilt aside my “year off” was in full swing. My needs went from the bottom of my list to the top and the nos got easier- much easier.

For a wife and mother of three a year off doesn’t mean a year spent on a beach in Hawaii; though that would be nice. No, a year off for me is more like a year of stepping back. I see it as a mental, emotional and professional detox.

And detox I have!

It’s amazing what you have time for when you give yourself a year. In my leisure I’ve paid off some of our debt, started planning for my and my husband’s future, organized files, cleaned the garage and taken an overdue swim. What’s been most rewarding is being able to take time to write- something that’s never quite made it to the top of my priority list, until now.

Once I started to enjoy my new easygoing mindset I saw that my family could also use a life detox. My husband’s 60+ hours a week at work and jam-packed weekends had him spending more time in bed recovering than time with us. We all needed to give ourselves more “me time” and more time for each other. With some tweaks we’ve been able to do just that.

It’s all about making space. We pack our brains and schedules full of life’s busyness until we nudge out all of the important parts. The detox I mentioned is doable if you’re willing to take out and cut back on the parts of your life that demand too much of you and leave more room for the most important and rewarding things.

Now that I’m six months in I’ve changed my mind about my “year off”. I’m going to make it two.