One of my very best friends in all the world is a… dare I say it… procrastinator. I’ll call her Sally.
Sally has a heart of gold and will do anything for anyone, but her downfall is that she puts everything off until the very last minute. Know anyone like this? Are you a Sally?
As Sally’s friend what I had to learn the hard way years ago was that her procrastination was not my emergency.
Time and time again we planned parties and weekend getaways -not to brag, but I’m usually ahead of the curve which is a huge plus for Sally-, I would get things done early and then end up helping her with her end of the bargain.
Sally feels that her procrastination is better described as being laid-back and she loves it when people say that about her. But the truth is that her procrastination becomes other people’s problem- many times my problem.
It’s not that we don’t love the Sally in our lives, but relationships like these can really wear on us. Eventually we have to come to grips with the fact that we can’t depend on Sally’s – at least, not in ways that are important to many of us.
If there is a Sally in your life making you feel used and unappreciated it’s time to put her needs aside and put your needs first. It will be difficult to stop taking up Sally’s slack. After all, it’s become second nature to you and if you don’t help her who will?
Have you ever thought that maybe she’ll learn to better care for her own needs?
The best way to improve your relationship with a Sally is to steer clear of commitments. Sally and I used to take trips together, enjoying retreats and shopping getaways together, and meet up for regular lunches. But eventually I learned that it was important for me to share that time with someone who would value the commitments I was making to them.
Today Sally and I plan lunch on a whim to catch up. Though we aren’t together as much as we used to be, our time together thankfully no longer includes an onslaught of her procrastination.
If there is someone in your life like Sally – always letting you down and never taking your feelings into consideration- it’s time for you to set new boundaries. Ask yourself what the best relationship is for you and your Sally.
For me, a noncommittal relationship helps me enjoy all of Sally’s best attributes- the ones that made me want to be friends with her to begin with! And less commitment to her gives me extra time to spend with friends who are more respectful of my time and energy.
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