I’m sure we can all agree that constantly saying “yes” to people zaps energy right out of our bodies. For some of us, even the act of saying “yes” starts a wave of anxiety that only goes away when the task is completed.
We’ve become so used to saying “yes” because we’ve placed so many meanings behind it. Saying “yes, I’ll do that” means…
“Yes, I love you.”
“Yes, because I want you to think I’m capable.”
“Yes, I can add one more thing to my list because I’m a do-it-all type of person.”
“Yes, I’m busy but if I say “no” you might stop liking me.”
“Yes, because if I don’t I’ll lose my status.”
“Yes, because I don’t want to give someone else the control.”
These reasons for saying “yes” are not all valid. But by saying “yes” for the reasons above we are making assumptions about what we feel the other person is thinking, and are also trying to avoid downfalls that “no” would cause. Or rather, what we think “no” would cause.
As absurd as it may sound, living life with a “no attitude” can be healthier than living a life of yes. From the time we were able to understand the word “no” we associated it with the bad and dangerous. Mom and dad yelled “no!” to keep us from burning ourselves on the hot stove, from running into the street and to keep us from writing on the walls and jumping on the sofa.
But the real purpose of the word “no” is to set safe boundaries. The word no can be a life changer if we use it in the right way- to keep ourselves safe and preserved. What we get from saying “no” -after the guilt is gone of course- is freedom.
It will take great courage to say “no” more often, but it will get easier with time. Make your nos softer by giving the why. The softest way to deliver the “no” blow is to always explain why you are saying “no”. Most nos can be easily received when followed by “but” or “because”.
No, I won’t be able to help because I’m traveling the next day.
No, I won’t be there but I’d be glad to help another time.
Keep the purpose of saying “no” your reminder for why it can be so important. No will allow you time for yourself, your family and the things in your life that are being neglected but really deserve your time and energy.
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